Update: No urges to cut! Weight issues are still huge, like me! Prozac is a bitch and does not work any longer (im on the high mg) I think I need something stronger.. So I will be put on a mood stabilizer! My therapist thinks im Bi-polar. Well ummm I've been trying to tell the mother fucker that for almost a year now.!! Any who even with all that I am doing pretty good.!!!
Today I have been with the love of my life Samantha for 5 years and 8 months : ) I can not stress enough HOW MUCH I LOVE THAT WOMAN!!! I dont EVER get jealous but to be honest here lately I am so jealous of all these straight people and their marriages. I would give anything to legally marry my sammie. I know just as much as she does we dont need that damn certificate but GODDAMNIT we want one!! We want all the privileges that "married" people have. It sucks to have to say she is my "sister" if we have to go to the ER for anything. It sucks we cant have a joint checking account or savings account. It sucks she cant put me on her health insurance or vise versa. It sucks we cant file a joint income tax. It sucks that we cant have a vehicle in both our names. It sucks we cant buy a house and it be in both our names. It suck a big fucking dick!!! All the little things that most people take for granted we cant have because of stupid IGNORANT ass fucking bigots!! Did you know that it is LEGAL in more states to marry your legal cousin than it is to marry someone of the same sex.. UMMMMM HELLO WTF!!! How does that make scene?? That is just fucking sick!!! Just to be clear I AM NOT comparing being a homosexual to fucking and marrying your cousin. I am just stating that this world is fucked up!!! If you want to marry your cousin go ahead but if you want to marry someone of the same sex its to bad. I do not understand why other people get to vote on if
I can marry my soul mate, NO one voted on "straight" marriage or that you can marry your cousin! I know the world has come a long way when it comes to people being homosexuals but I can not wait til the day comes where I can get on one knee and purpose to my woman and we actually be able to have a legit wedding!! We could move away to a state that recognizes same sex marriage but how is that fair. Why should we have to leave our home, our family to be in a civil union BTW they dont call it a marriage. Even in states its legal to"marry" someone of the same sex you're still not considered being "married".. It makes me sick!!! I am only 24 and people I went to school with have been married already and/or DIVORCED for years!! Some of them are in happy marriages and that is great, awesome for them I am happy for them!! I really am!! If you wanted to, you could go to Vegas get married to a complete stranger then file for an annulment the next day. Hell you could do that as many times as you want as long as its "one man and one woman"!!! Well I could go on and on and on and on but I am going to stop there because My blood pressure is rising lol!!!
On another note we are getting another kitten soon!!! We are going to name it Charlie no matter the sex of the kitten unless it looks like it should be named something else!! We are so excited and so are Pranger and Walker!!!
That is it for now!!! HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO MY SOMEDAY LEGAL WIFE SAMANTHA KAY SUMMERVILLE!!!!! I love you so MUCH baby!!! <3 xoxoxox!! Thanks for being my everything, my love!!
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
It's an everyday struggle.....
Update: LezzbeHonest!! My mouth is still sore from my traumatizing dentist appointment!! Now I have another tooth that needs to be pulled.. On top of that all 4 wisdom teeth need to come out!! So both sides of my mouth are sore and hurting.. Great! I am just over all my dental problems but I can only blame myself.. I have done so much damage to my teeth due to my bulimia.. On the 22nd at the dentist Dr.Peterson told me bulimia is extremely hard on your teeth because of the acid in your stomach.. So I will probably have to have dentures at a early age or have veneers which are both very expensive.. Its hard to hear those things.. I am only 24 years old.. Its hard knowing I put myself in this situation.. I struggle with my image still to this day even though I dont binge and purge anymore the urge is still there and I face it everyday.. Im having a hard time right now because I cant really eat anything so its putting me in a bad mind set.. I haven't been full (from eating) since the 22nd of my dentist appointment. I am trying to stay positive but its hard.. My wife is helping me and I call my sponsor but I wont lie its very hard. That being said I have not relapsed so that's one thing working in my favor.
...........Other stuff!!!
I just watched Demi Lovato's Documentary on MTV and as cheesy as it sounds it helped.. She has been through a lot of the same thing I have and If she can do it I can.. My goal is to one day be strong enough to step out and help people like she does.. Maybe speak at seminars or start counseling teens.. Right now I am not at that point.. There are places around here that help and hot lines to call.. Ill post some info on some at the end of this blog.
My dads Birthday was on March 4th.. It was an amazing day despite my mouth being hurt and sore and my damn torn acl was acting up.. My brothers came with sammie and I to see dad.. It really made his day.. He hasn't seen them in a while so it was good to see him that happy.. My dad is a huge jokester so at one point he said something about how he was glad all 5 of his daughters were there for his b day.. So I was thinking well there is Dakota, Benny,mark and me and then I realized the 5th one was sammie.. That made me so happy that he openly admitted to thinking of sammie as his daughter.. That was pretty awesome to hear..
Michelle my step mom cooked a yummy dinner and I couldn't eat it..boo..but I took some home with me and snacked on the mashed potatoes.. Yumm.. Well thats about it I believe!! Peace and love!!
Helplines and such!!! Taking the first step is hard but you can do it!!
...........Other stuff!!!
I just watched Demi Lovato's Documentary on MTV and as cheesy as it sounds it helped.. She has been through a lot of the same thing I have and If she can do it I can.. My goal is to one day be strong enough to step out and help people like she does.. Maybe speak at seminars or start counseling teens.. Right now I am not at that point.. There are places around here that help and hot lines to call.. Ill post some info on some at the end of this blog.
My dads Birthday was on March 4th.. It was an amazing day despite my mouth being hurt and sore and my damn torn acl was acting up.. My brothers came with sammie and I to see dad.. It really made his day.. He hasn't seen them in a while so it was good to see him that happy.. My dad is a huge jokester so at one point he said something about how he was glad all 5 of his daughters were there for his b day.. So I was thinking well there is Dakota, Benny,mark and me and then I realized the 5th one was sammie.. That made me so happy that he openly admitted to thinking of sammie as his daughter.. That was pretty awesome to hear..
Michelle my step mom cooked a yummy dinner and I couldn't eat it..boo..but I took some home with me and snacked on the mashed potatoes.. Yumm.. Well thats about it I believe!! Peace and love!!
Helplines and such!!! Taking the first step is hard but you can do it!!
Half Of Us : Welcome
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Lookout Mountain Community Services, Welcome (LMCS is based on income & local)
www.lmcs.org
Call NEDA For Help NOW | nationaleatingdisorders.org
www.nationaleatingdisorders.org
The Love Out Loud Campaign
www.loveoutloudcampaign.com/
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